What To Do When Your Ex Finds A New Girlfriend

Read on to find out what to do when your ex finds a new girlfriend.

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One of the most difficult milestones in dealing with a past relationship is the day your ex finds a new girlfriend.  Do you remember what that day was like for you?  It may have been like that line in the Godfather III movie. Just when you think you’re over it, your emotions pull you back in and the emotional roller coaster starts all over again.

The anger, resentment, regret, hurt, feelings of despair….did I mention ANGER?  All these negative feelings may attack you at the same time when you find out that your ex is seeing someone else.

Here is the GOOD news!

You can turn things around by shaking free of the past and preparing yourself for new connections …whenever they may come.

Use these practical steps to avoid relationship stress and  help yourself and your children ( if any) adjust to the changes and new people that may come into your relationships after a break-up.

Steps You Need to Take for Yourself

  1. Come to terms with your feelings.  Don’t try to be perfect, and don’t ignore your true feelings. It’s natural to go through a stage of jealousy or bitterness. There is a huge difference between having those negative feelings and actually acting on them.  Make that distinction!  For now, just know that you are in control of your feelings and you can make your discomfort dissolve in time by training your mind to be peaceful.  
  2. Resist comparisons. Maybe the new girlfriend is prettier, smarter, richer, younger, or thinner than you. Maybe she won an Olympic gold medal in ice skating or she published a best seller. Don’t do that to yourself, resist comparing yourself with her. It’s much more productive to  focus on investing in your own self improvement and personal development and on becoming a more balanced, beautiful, happy, and stress-resilient person from the inside out! 
  3. Readjust your attention.  Don’t use technology and mutual friends to collect information about the new couple. That’s is an exercise in futility that will only leave you feeling more anger and hostility.  Those negative pursuits benefit no one.  Instead redirect your efforts to more constructive activities. 
  4. Get support. This is NOT the time to isolate yourself and throw a pity party.  Instead, surround yourself with family and friends who  will encourage you and support you through difficult times. If necessary talk with a counselor who specializes in relationships, invest in our 7 day diy program to help you cope with the stress, or secure the help of a stress management mentor. 
  5. Restore trust In Others. If you are like me, once trust has been broken in a relationship, it may be hard trust again. Your bad  experiences with your ex may have affected your ability to trust others. Don’t rush into any new romantic relationships just because your ex has a new girlfriend. Take baby steps to build up your comfort levels with trusting people again in general. Chat with a new neighbor. Invite a friend to attend the opera with you if you usually went with your ex. 
  6.  Go out on a date. It may take time to make a lasting connection, but there is no reason you cannot enjoy a pleasant evening out right now.  Just make sure your date knows there you are not looking for a lasting connection and there are no romantic strings attached.  Once that is clear, it may be fine to meet someone for coffee.  Start of with dates during the day (e.e. breakfast dates, lunch dates) and avoid going on dates at night, when the presumption of  romance may be more prevalent.
  7. Start a new project. Throw yourself into a new adventure. Sign up for scuba diving classes or plan a vacation to the Caribbean to have fun in the sun and get your groove back.  

Steps You Need to Take with Your Children

  1. Explain the situation.  Don’t create too much drama for your kids when your ex finds a new girlfriend.  Your ex may marry the first woman he meets or he may date around for years. Protect your children from the roller coaster ride of new girlfriends coming and going.  Wait until your ex announces his engagement to think about how his new girlfriend will adapt to being a new stepparent. 
  2. Be Clear On the boundaries. If communications with your ex and his new partner tend to backfire, restrict your interactions to essentials.  Communicate and coordinate with your ex on matters like child care and dental appointments, but keep your private life to yourself and stay out of his private life with his new partner as well. Your kids will be the biggest beneficiaries when you maintain a calm relationship with your ex for their sakes.
  3. Set Priorities issues. When relationships end there are a million changes to deal with, especially when kids are involved. You cannot do them all at once, so learn to concentrate on the major concerns.  Make sure that your children are physically and emotionally safe and observing basic etiquette.  
  4. Respect different household rules. You and your ex may have completely different rules when it comes to how you run your households. You may be stricter and more organized and his household may be a free for all. Instead of allowing this frustrate you or getting entangles in heated arguments with your ex, try providing as much consistency as possible at your household and be tolerant about personal preferences and differences, as long as those differences are not putting the wellbeing of your kids at risk.  
  5. Show compassion. Take into account that the three of you and your children are facing an unfamiliar situation. Respect each person’s opinions and empathize with their struggles.  Focus on the fact that you are doing this for your children.  Their happiness and wellbeing must be the top priority, and getting along with you ex and his new girlfriend will need to be at the top of your list.
  6. Spend one-on-one time. Your children may need extra love and attention when your ex brings a new partner into the home. Plan separate activities with each child so you have the opportunity to answer their questions and talk on a deeper level. Be positive and cheerful. Ask their teachers and other adults to inform you about any changes they notice.  
  7. Communicate directly. Talk to your ex and their new partner instead of relaying messages through your children. Protecting your kids is worth any inconvenience.

You can find peace and still extend your good wishes to your ex and their new partner. Be honest about your feelings and make smart choices that create greater love and fulfillment in your own life.

Please Share Your Thoughts 

In the comments below, share with us:

1. What have you done to cope with moving on after a breakup?
2. Which one of the points above will help you the most when your ex finds a new girlfriend?

 

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